Meh

Yah, so I can't beat up minors anymore... but I'm legal. ::smirks:: Dude, so my bday has pretty much been the epitome of mediocrity so far. Not bad or anything, just incredibly boring. There were some highlights, so I'll catalog them for ya... urm, there have also been sommmmme lowlights? sure, I'll catalog them too:

Lowbeams:
Having to wake up at 6:30 to feed the ponies.
Having to talk w/ a bunch of ladies at Church about how I didn't get accepted into college. Bleah.
Having to do homework.
Dad had to come home sick from work. Pobre padre. El no puede bailar.
Hearing that Laura and Liesl got shot at w/ a BB gun at Rita's. They're fine, but that's scary business.
Being bored.
Having to clean up Wrangler's vomit. Eww.
Not being able to beat up minors anymore. Drat.

Highbeams:
Not having to groom or walk the ponies. Yes!
Seeing the kids have a blast performing this morning.
Having two adorable little girls (3yrs and 2yrs) sing happy birthday to me.
Getting a bunch of awesome emails from friends wishing me a happy bday.
Talking to friends on the net. Pathetic? No life? Perhaps.
Mom's making spare ribs for dinner. Wow, I'm just making my point.
I just finished the boring part of my homework.
Umm... I'm legal? Legal to do what? Buy cigarettes? At least I can vote now. Gotta get registered. Mmm.
Oooo! Brian called and he has a girlfriend!!!! Dude, so exciting. Haha, that was prolly the highlight of my day. 'Cept for those two little girls. I wish you could have seen them.

Right so... That's about it. ::shrugs:: Welcome to the world of adults, Tam. ::laughs:: I really need June 24th to get here. Happy Birthday, Mr Ackerman. ::sighs:: So bored. Still got homework to do. K, my love, I'm gonna go get on that. Maybe I'll watch a movie or something after dinner. :-/ Wow, I have such an exotic life. ::winks:: All my love, darling...

Psalms 25:7
"Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways;
According to Your love remember me, for You are good, O Lord."

Fading minorarchy

Hiya kiddies! Today is my last day of minorhood. :'( Cha. How depressing. Yep, so I'll be turning eighteen tomorrow. Man, I'm getting old. I still feel like I'm sixteen. Well, as long as I don't feel old, I guess that's alright. K, so my bday party was loads of fun. Thanks to everyone who came, and to everyone who tried. You made it an awesome day. To y'all that I couldn't invite, I'm sorry. :'( My 'rents were already a lil flippish w/ the numbers, but they were cool by the end cuz it was real low key. I'm starting to put some of the pics in my webshots album (see side bar). It's taking time though. Precious commodity, that. Right, so poor Carrie thought that the party was longer than it was and showed up after everyone left ('cept Madonna, cuz she spent the night). But it actually worked out perfectly, cuz Madonna and I got all prettied up to go to the dance at my school and Carrie helped w/ our hair/decisions/etc. There weren't too many people there, so we went to the Nautilus after a bit and had dinner. We drove around a bit and then came back to the house and watched half of Eternal Sunshine. I was hoping to give her a crazy fun night, but it turned into more of a random fun night. ::laughs:: Oh well, best laid plans and all that jazz. So Sunday we had a meeting for Royal Servants (my summer time deal) after Church. Got a lot of q's answered. I'm so excited, kiddies! ::shivers:: Shock Wave was very good. Had some fun d-team small group time. I'm worried about one of my T-boys though. :-/ I'll have to keep praying. Aight, so ballet yesterday and voice lesson. Then last night I went to Essex and ran around filming for Grease. Can't remember if I told you. Ya know the scene where the kids go to the drive in movie in Grease? Well, Masque wanted to have some sort of movie to show during that time, so they pulled Alex, Ian, Paul, and me in to it. Ange, Andy, and Burgan were the techies (and Ian has done some film stuff, so he helped too). So much fun. Alex, Burgan, Andy, Rob, and I went to Nautilus afterwards. AND I got my Les Mis cd back from Stacey!!! lol, left it in her car after ACTF in January. ::crosses eyes:: Oh well. Umm, got my test back today from D&B. Got a B, bleah. Didn't know the material very well. Don't really care that much. ::grins:: Oh well. I should still be able to get an A in the class if I do better on the paper and the next test. Meh. I'm gonna head out. Might tell you more about the party another day. All my love, dearest...
Mark 1:40-41
"A man with leprosy came to Him and begged Him on his knees, 'If You are willing, You can make me clean.' Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out His hand and touched the man. 'I am willing,' He said. 'Be clean!'"

Daring God...

Dude, I'm so glad yesterday is over. It started out pretty good. Had ballet and wasn't too horribly frustrated by my stupid body. Had a lesson w/ Ms. Adriana that went well. She was encouraging and I was able to focus, so that was cool. I really need to practice more on my own though. We went to visit my grandparents and see all the work that they're doing on their kitchen. It's rough to see how fast Uppa is getting sick. His voice sounds totally different and he's losing weight all the time. He's got an apt at Hopkins I think this week and hopefully they can find out what's going on. Grandma just seems so emotionally exhausted. I wish I knew them better. I wish I knew how to help. Keep praying, Tiki. Right, so we start driving home. Mom's driving my car and I'm doing school. She switches gears later than I do, so I'm always watching a little bit to see what the speed is and what gear she's in cuz I don't like her doing fifty in third. ::shudders:: All of a sudden, the car starts bucking like she's messing up w/ the clutch or something so I look over and she looks as confused as I do. It's totally random. So the car is trying to stall as we take the closest exit and limp over to a gas station. Thank God it had a garage. They check it over and tell us the spark plugs are pretty much useless and there's no way we can take it back to Baltimore. Greaaaat. Dad loves this. He comes out to get mom and me. He's had a horrible day. Couple of his long-time patients died unexpectedly and there was some gathering he and mom were supposed to go to that they had to miss because of the car situation. Poor Davey's been home alone all day. Dad drives fast when he's upset and you don't really notice how fast you're going in the truck anyway, so wouldn't you know it, a cop pulls us over and gives dad a speeding ticket. I'm ready to throw myself out the truck door by this point. Ugh so frustrating. Dad's really annoying when he's frustrated, and I was having a rough time not letting it get to me. He comes and talks to me before he leaves on most mornings and this morning he said something about how on days like yesterday what he really needs is a hug. Tell me how the heck I'm supposed to give him a hug while he's acting like an imbecilic, adolescent boy?! I'm his daughter, not his therapist. I mean, I try to be there for him, but I'm only a human and it wasn't exactly a happy-go-lucky day for me either. If there's two things I hate and fear, they're being an inconvenience or a disappointment. I'm not depressed or anything, just frustrated. Mom and I drove out to the Shell station and I dropped her off there. I had to skip school, but one of my classes was cancelled anyway. Then I took Davey to his orthodontist appointment. I'm supposed to be doing homework right now. ::rubs forehead:: I just feel like crap right now. I know that I'll prolly start feeling better in a couple of hours cuz I'm a hormonal girl, but that knowledge is not really improving my mood. Dude, I need Saturday to get here. Having a party w/ some friends, then Madonna is staying over and we're gonna have a girl's night. I keep forgetting that it's Tuesday. I've got so much hw due on Thurs. Gah. God help me. I could use an angel right now. "You told me to call, said You'd be there, and though I can't see You, are You still there??" God I feel empty. I know it'll pass, but I hate these feelings. I know I should just trust You. What did Mr Goodman say on Sunday? I can't remember. Something about training instead of trying. I can't try anymore, so how do I train? Train your mind on things above. Ok, let's dare God to change my heart. God, You said to be still and know that You are God. Stukkbessm oeaces, Nnnm tgere;s a vurd subgubg iyt =sude, U cab gear tge ckicj tucjubg, Wow. That's what happens when you type w/ your eyes closed. Let me translate... Stillness, peace. Hmm, there's a bird singing outside. I can hear the clock ticking. ::sighs:: We learned about the word "know" on Sunday that is used in the verse "Be still and KNOW that I am God." It's translated from the word "Yada". To be known, to be deeply known. Same word used for umm... marital knowing. AKA sex. But not just like random sex. Sex as it was meant to be... between a man and his wife within a trusting marriage covenant. Thought that was pretty cool. Also saw a tshirt that said "Chastity is for lovers." ::grins:: Thought that was pretty cool too. I guess God won the dare. I don't feel empty anymore. Heh, He always wins. K, my love, lemme find the reference of that verse for you. The new Pope sounds like an awesome man. I pray God does mighty things through him.
Psalm 46:10
"Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

New Pix

New pix! Check the photo album in my links under the chatterbox. Love y'all!

Storytime!!!

Right, so, I went climbing w/ Davey last night, yes? We had a great time, btw, but that isn't what my story is about... right, so I saw the manager from Coldstone Creamery there, and it made me want ice cream really bad. I think to myself, wow, what a perfect example of classical conditioning here! Just like Pavlov's dogs, I took a neutral stimulus and associated it with something totally unrelated. I was gonna go up to the guy and say, hey, you're a neutral stimulus! But I didn't think that'd go over too hott... or maybe a lil too hott, but yah. Then this morning I acted on the impulse to buy ice cream because I've been craving it since then. Problem is, I've been eating healthy for like the last week for once so that when I had this junk food it made me feel horrible. Cha. Yah, so I thought it was funny, but maybe I'm just a dork. Anywho, wanted to say hey to y'all and that I'm alive. And guess what!!! I've been blogging for a year now! Woohoo, let's through a party. Riiight. Yah, I'm gonna be eighteen this month. I don't wanna. Maybe I'll go retro and turn sixteen instead. ::winks:: What a horrible post this is. My apologies. Let's see, anything else that's interesting? Never Alone by Barlowgirl is an amazing song. Totally describes my life w/ God right now. "And though I cannot see you, and I can't explain why, such a deep, deep reassurance you've placed in my life... I cry out with no reply and I can't feel you by my side, so I'll hold tight to what I know - you're here and I'm never alone." I love music. Man. Yah, I started a makeup class at school. The teacher was our costume designer for ZP. It's basically a homeschool class. I come in w/ what I've learned and he grades me. It'll be good practice and it'll force me to learn, so it's all good. He's an interesting man. He's nice if he likes you. And he generally likes you unless you give him lip. I think that's how it works anyway. Saw Lilly at school yesterday. Her hair's purple and she looks gorgeous w/ it as usual. Must be fun. I got two of the pics from Midsummer. They're amazing. One w/ Alex and... drat, can't remember her name... the girl who played Helena on the bridge. Man, I talked to her yesterday too. And the other has Lindsay, Will, and Lilly on the bridge. Haha, Will the half-naked smurf. Wundebar! Uncle Steve is staying safe in Afghanistan. He's not supposed to be there for much longer. He sent our family a package and it got here yesterday. Awesome stuff from a bazaar he went to over there. Chess set, shawl, ornamental elephant, marble jewelry box. Very cool stuff. He's been sending us daily updates to help him pass the time. Uppa's health isn't looking too good. It's really rough to see him getting weaker and weaker. I only see him like once every two months or so, so I really see him degenerating. His time is running out kids and he doesn't know Jesus. It scares me. I know that time is running out for all of us, and I should be just as scared for the rest of the people I know, but death is so much more... present with him. I wish I could be more commited and focused. I know what's really important, but it's so easy to push it to the back of my head. What would it be like to be totally sold out for God? I'm sure it would be incredibly rewarding and that the sacrifices would be worth it, but the things that I spend time on seem so important. Grrr. Stupid human. Cha, well, I need to get back to homework, kiddies. Say a prayer for me if you would. I feel like something's happening in my life, but I don't know what it is. Love you so much...
Psalm 4:1 & 5-8 "Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer... Offer right sacrifices and trust in the LORD. Many are asking, 'Who can show us any good?' Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD. You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound. I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety."

Dumb emotions, never trust 'em ::winks::

Hey kiddies, well, it looks like God has a surprise in store for me for next year. I was hoping to be going away to college next year. Well, planning on it actually. Unfortunately, I wasn't accepted anywhere. Mmm, I learned my lesson, and I'll apply to way more colleges either for Spring or for next year. ::sighs:: Maybe I'll try out for one of the shows at Toby's next year. Gah, I really didn't want to be at home for another year. God, I don't know why you want things this way. I really thought... mmm... oh well. Now I've gotta sort through some things. Emotions and my battered pride not being the least of these. I just feel like a dork. All my friends are heading off to Princeton and Brown and such and stupid me only applied to three. I guess God could have made me stay at home even if I'd applied to a bunch more, but... Mmm, this is stupid. I can't stay frustrated at God. I can't even try being bitter at Him. ::grins:: God, I love you. He's given me such joy, just when I should logically be depressed. Heh, who knows why? I have no idea what's going to happen next year. But nobody does. 'Cept God. Mmmm. It's a good thing I don't have a boyfriend so I can spend all my love on God. ::winks:: He always sends it back and multiplies it so I've got plenty to spare for you, my love. Stay in His mercy and grace, darling. I love you lots!
Psalm 144:2
"He is my loving God and my fortress,
my stronghold and my deliver,
my shield, in whom I take refuge,
who subdues peoples under me."