What do I know? What do I miss?

I need to write candidly for a few minutes. I know I posted earlier today, but let's suspend reality for a little hole of time. It's so hard to come home from an environment where relationships were actively protected, where hearts were kept safe and respected and loved, to a place where there is no godly leadership, that's an exaggeration, be fair Tiki, where most of the leadership comes in the form of pressure... that's not leading, that's driving... and I resent it even when it's good advice. I'm trying so hard. God help me, You made a change in me this summer, but I'm falling back to where I was before I left and I don't want that. The emotions in this house are ridiculous. My coldness and agitation included. ::sighs and closes eyes:: I miss the security of affirmation from this summer. I knew that I would be actively loved this summer. That people were choosing to love me. I also knew that I had to actively love people. I've stopped actively loving people. I've turned very passive. I'm frustrated with myself. As always. ::smirks at self:: Thank God that He's here to carry me through. I'm not strong enough to walk on my own in a way pleasing to Him. But I know that He actively chooses to love me. I KNOW THAT. That's what I have to hold on to. I have to seek His love daily. God, forgive me. You taught me that over and over again this summer and have been trying to remind me while I've been home. Sometimes I listen. More often I forget. Kids, there are so many things that need to be worked on in my life. You have no idea. No idea. But I can only do so much at one time. He's so awesome about working w/ me wherever I am. Wherever is such a weird spelling. I guess "whereever" would be stranger. Yah, ok. I've calmed down now. I don't get angry very often any more. I get depressed and exasperated. Alright. One breath at a time, girl. I love you guys... Thank God that He is.
Psalm 46:10
"Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."