Odd

::sniff:: I missed a month for my very first time since I started this thing. How sad. I was checking out my friends' xangas this morning and Tyler wrote this:

God will give what is good and no less. But you must understand good, you that wish to understand Him. What is good? And why do you not love it?

It kinda stopped me in my tracks. Why don't I love what it is that God puts in my life? He promises that He is the giver of good gifts and that all things work for the good of those who love Him. Tyler was my random 8:30 inspiration for the morning.

I'm house sitting this week. Actually, the family is getting home late this evening. It's been enjoyable. Being out of the house. I haven't gone home very often. Home. Hah.

I'm still loving my job at Valley View Farms. Sure, it makes me tired cuz the hours get kinda long, but the people make it so worthwhile. I love people. Even when they're being horrible. It makes me sad when people get upset. What kind of rotten junk must be going on in their lives if they're gonna get upset over something as extraneous as Christmas ornaments, Halloween decorations, and planting goods? Or must have gone on in their lives.

I need to go running. I really should be doing that instead of writing this, but it's foggy as all get out this morning and I don't feel like getting run over by crazy motorists.

Alex came home for the weekend. She's spent the last two nights here w/ me. It's nice to have another person in the house. We watched Dirty Dancing on Friday night, but last night, we just crashed. We went shopping yesterday morning over at Towson mall. The Towson mall. Towson mall is a description, not a title. It needs an article.

I'm still really tired.

I talked to Luke yesterday. He called me back all the way from California. Pretty exciting, not gonna lie. Hadn't talked to anyone from RS since I've been home. Horrible tense in that sentence. On Friday I left all of my school books at home. I felt so stupid.

I'm so egocentric. I just noticed that practically every sentence in this post contains the word I or ME. Technically, it is my blog about my thoughts. Funny how I can go on and on on this thing, but I couldn't keep up w/ the Live Eulogies. Man, that was a long time ago.

I used to be so good about journaling. Even when I stopped here, I started journaling on paper. It's so therapeutic. I should count how many times I've said/written that statement sometime. "Procrastinators Unite Tomorrow." I barely ever journal now. Maybe that's why I'm such a mess.

Mom and I had a falling out. Can you tell? Funny how my sanity seems to revolve around how I'm feeling about her. I hate that she has that much influence on my life. It wasn't a falling out. Not really. That would be both of us getting angry, I think. We had a discussion. And the content happened to break me. And I don't want to ever let her in again. I need to forgive her. I need to move on. But I can't yet. So it's festering and infecting other areas of my life. I really think all boys should be incised from my life. Y'all are too distracting. Was incised the word I was looking for? Surgically removed. It's too easy for me to go to one of you for the affection I crave instead of going to God for the affirmation and alignment I need. Not your fault, I know.

What is good about the place in life I'm in right now? Why do I not love it?

Dad and Davey are good. Some of my friendships are growing very healthily right now. Some possibilities for the future have opened up. We'll see what happens w/ them. School is easy and fun for the most part. I have a great job --> spending money. I'm healthy. I've been exercising and watching what I eat, so that's good. At least I had been. Like I said, I need to go for a run. My friends are looking out for me. For what they know of my life anyway. I'm getting more and more people that I can call when I'm bored and want to get out of the house. Yah, definitely a good thing that I'm not stuck at home. I'm learning to thank God for bad situations instead of complaining about them all the time.

Jesus loves me.

That is good.

Cuz I tend not to.

But I trust Him.

So there must be something desireable about me.

Well, yah, I'm His creation.

I'm His child.

:-/ He is the lover of my soul.

Kinda like incest, if you put the statements like that.

I've had Kelly Clarkson songs stuck in my head for the past three days. I don't know all the lyrics to any of them. So frustrating. I end up mixing them all together. I'm not crazy about her, but it's good relief music. And I can at least lala along to it.

I need to take a shower. I'm gonna go to the 11 o'clock service this morning and then go get some pizza w/ Wes and his friends. Alex wants to go to Walmart this morning. My hands are so chapped. I really need some lotion. I love typing. It's such a great feeling. Tap tap tapping away. This family has wireless, so I'm using my laptop. Mmm, I need to ask Andrew about my computer. ::scratches head:: I really meant to just check what time Walmart opens when I got on this morning. But I signed on and saw the xanga subscription thing and checked that and read Tyler's post and wanted to comment about it. I got distracted. That's ok. This was a good distraction. Have you ever noticed that when you try to scare boys off, they get more interested? Unless I do something horrible. I do crazy things all the time. Like leaf stomping. Or dramaticism. Or making a wall. I'm so weird.

Doncha wish your girlfriend was...

Bad song. It's so definitely stuck in my head right now. Not the type of song you can sing w/out dancing. I could prolly end ever sentence w/ 'I'm so weird' and it wouldn't be out of place. I saw Cyrano over at Loyola on Friday. They did a great job. I didn't know the chick who played Roxeanne, but she was fantastic. And James did great, I was so proud of him, lol.

I'm going to go shower now. Goodbye.