Daring God...

Dude, I'm so glad yesterday is over. It started out pretty good. Had ballet and wasn't too horribly frustrated by my stupid body. Had a lesson w/ Ms. Adriana that went well. She was encouraging and I was able to focus, so that was cool. I really need to practice more on my own though. We went to visit my grandparents and see all the work that they're doing on their kitchen. It's rough to see how fast Uppa is getting sick. His voice sounds totally different and he's losing weight all the time. He's got an apt at Hopkins I think this week and hopefully they can find out what's going on. Grandma just seems so emotionally exhausted. I wish I knew them better. I wish I knew how to help. Keep praying, Tiki. Right, so we start driving home. Mom's driving my car and I'm doing school. She switches gears later than I do, so I'm always watching a little bit to see what the speed is and what gear she's in cuz I don't like her doing fifty in third. ::shudders:: All of a sudden, the car starts bucking like she's messing up w/ the clutch or something so I look over and she looks as confused as I do. It's totally random. So the car is trying to stall as we take the closest exit and limp over to a gas station. Thank God it had a garage. They check it over and tell us the spark plugs are pretty much useless and there's no way we can take it back to Baltimore. Greaaaat. Dad loves this. He comes out to get mom and me. He's had a horrible day. Couple of his long-time patients died unexpectedly and there was some gathering he and mom were supposed to go to that they had to miss because of the car situation. Poor Davey's been home alone all day. Dad drives fast when he's upset and you don't really notice how fast you're going in the truck anyway, so wouldn't you know it, a cop pulls us over and gives dad a speeding ticket. I'm ready to throw myself out the truck door by this point. Ugh so frustrating. Dad's really annoying when he's frustrated, and I was having a rough time not letting it get to me. He comes and talks to me before he leaves on most mornings and this morning he said something about how on days like yesterday what he really needs is a hug. Tell me how the heck I'm supposed to give him a hug while he's acting like an imbecilic, adolescent boy?! I'm his daughter, not his therapist. I mean, I try to be there for him, but I'm only a human and it wasn't exactly a happy-go-lucky day for me either. If there's two things I hate and fear, they're being an inconvenience or a disappointment. I'm not depressed or anything, just frustrated. Mom and I drove out to the Shell station and I dropped her off there. I had to skip school, but one of my classes was cancelled anyway. Then I took Davey to his orthodontist appointment. I'm supposed to be doing homework right now. ::rubs forehead:: I just feel like crap right now. I know that I'll prolly start feeling better in a couple of hours cuz I'm a hormonal girl, but that knowledge is not really improving my mood. Dude, I need Saturday to get here. Having a party w/ some friends, then Madonna is staying over and we're gonna have a girl's night. I keep forgetting that it's Tuesday. I've got so much hw due on Thurs. Gah. God help me. I could use an angel right now. "You told me to call, said You'd be there, and though I can't see You, are You still there??" God I feel empty. I know it'll pass, but I hate these feelings. I know I should just trust You. What did Mr Goodman say on Sunday? I can't remember. Something about training instead of trying. I can't try anymore, so how do I train? Train your mind on things above. Ok, let's dare God to change my heart. God, You said to be still and know that You are God. Stukkbessm oeaces, Nnnm tgere;s a vurd subgubg iyt =sude, U cab gear tge ckicj tucjubg, Wow. That's what happens when you type w/ your eyes closed. Let me translate... Stillness, peace. Hmm, there's a bird singing outside. I can hear the clock ticking. ::sighs:: We learned about the word "know" on Sunday that is used in the verse "Be still and KNOW that I am God." It's translated from the word "Yada". To be known, to be deeply known. Same word used for umm... marital knowing. AKA sex. But not just like random sex. Sex as it was meant to be... between a man and his wife within a trusting marriage covenant. Thought that was pretty cool. Also saw a tshirt that said "Chastity is for lovers." ::grins:: Thought that was pretty cool too. I guess God won the dare. I don't feel empty anymore. Heh, He always wins. K, my love, lemme find the reference of that verse for you. The new Pope sounds like an awesome man. I pray God does mighty things through him.
Psalm 46:10
"Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."