Employed!

Dude, I've got a job. ::bobs head and does a dance:: I'm gonna be working as a cashier at Valley View Farms. ::winks:: I think I'll get along pretty well w/ the staff. Anyone who has ever been there will understand. Or should understand. I was gonna go see Donnie Darko w/ Tboyz1&3 tonight, but that didn't work out cuz I've gotta go back to ballet. Ylll, I'm so out of shape, it's gonna be ridiculous. Tomorrow is Davey's 15th birthday! Happy birthday to my lil bro! He's a good kid. I hung out w/ Andrew pretty much all of yesterday. 'Cept in the morning Dad and I went to Borders and looked at college books. Andrew and I watched Van Helsing and The Forgotten. We went to Applebee's w/ some of his friends. ::grins:: They made me laugh soooo hard. Much fun. Saturday, I went birthday shopping w/ Daddy for Davey in the morning, then went to the Ranch and talked to Gavin and walked the dog while my family toured the new horsemanship building. Then went to Church. Then Tboyz1&3 came to my house and we watched Clue after dinner. Much fun. Friday I had a meeting w/ an academic advisor from Hopkins. Friend of Dad's. She was a sweetheart. We went to a Chinese restaurant and she helped me think about some college stuff. I'm not applying to Hopkins, but she was still able to help me. And I had some amazing sweet and sour chicken. Yum. I think I did something Friday night. Crap, I hate when I forget things. Don't remember. Sorry if I chilled w/ someone. ::cringes:: Don't hurt me. Umm, Thursday... went to a hip hop class over at Nicole Gaits. That's where I'm going for ballet tonight. They allow drop ins and Mama pays for me, so it's all good. She's worried that I'll get so out of shape that I won't ever go back to dance or something, I dunno. So yah, life has been a little crazy, but it's not too bad that I got a job in less than a week of applications. AND I got hired by a woman, so no one can say that I flirted my way into it. So there! What did I do Friday night? Gah, I can't remember. K, I'm gonna go finish reading this policy booklet thingy. Mwah. Love ya kids!
Psalm 127:2
"In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat - for He grants sleep to those He loves."

What do I know? What do I miss?

I need to write candidly for a few minutes. I know I posted earlier today, but let's suspend reality for a little hole of time. It's so hard to come home from an environment where relationships were actively protected, where hearts were kept safe and respected and loved, to a place where there is no godly leadership, that's an exaggeration, be fair Tiki, where most of the leadership comes in the form of pressure... that's not leading, that's driving... and I resent it even when it's good advice. I'm trying so hard. God help me, You made a change in me this summer, but I'm falling back to where I was before I left and I don't want that. The emotions in this house are ridiculous. My coldness and agitation included. ::sighs and closes eyes:: I miss the security of affirmation from this summer. I knew that I would be actively loved this summer. That people were choosing to love me. I also knew that I had to actively love people. I've stopped actively loving people. I've turned very passive. I'm frustrated with myself. As always. ::smirks at self:: Thank God that He's here to carry me through. I'm not strong enough to walk on my own in a way pleasing to Him. But I know that He actively chooses to love me. I KNOW THAT. That's what I have to hold on to. I have to seek His love daily. God, forgive me. You taught me that over and over again this summer and have been trying to remind me while I've been home. Sometimes I listen. More often I forget. Kids, there are so many things that need to be worked on in my life. You have no idea. No idea. But I can only do so much at one time. He's so awesome about working w/ me wherever I am. Wherever is such a weird spelling. I guess "whereever" would be stranger. Yah, ok. I've calmed down now. I don't get angry very often any more. I get depressed and exasperated. Alright. One breath at a time, girl. I love you guys... Thank God that He is.
Psalm 46:10
"Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

Crashes and Flicks

Lalala, horrible person, bad Tiki for not posting more often. It's only been a week and two days, I'm doing pretty good, actually. ::grins:: Umm, what's happened since last Monday? I didn't get into 1776, but they took more than two weeks to get back to me, so it was kinda anticlimactic. I've been applying for jobs, so say a prayer that I'll find someplace, please. Mmm, got into a car accident. Not hurt at all, but my car is. It's in the shop. That's the main reason I'm getting a job. I know, bad llama. Umm, saw my first anime movie w/ Tboy3. Bwahaha, nicknames are so much fun. Played piano in worship for Shock Wave. All the songs but one were acceptable. Dunno what happened w/ the one though. Something weird was going on between me and the lead guitar. Stuff is so loud anyway, that it's not a big deal, though. Umm, yah. Oooo! Went to see my first scary movie on Monday!!! I saw The Exorcism of Emily Rose w/ Andrew. Sooo good! I was scared OUT OF MY MIND, but it was worth it. Andrew has an amazing car and I had soooo much fun w/ him. Ummm, Statistics remains to be boring. Theory remains to be awesome. Umm... Yah. That's my comment of the week/day, I think. I'm leaving now. Bye! Oh yah, Bible verse... lalala...
John 1:14
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

Catching up a little

Ok, so I'm being horrible about posting here. My apologies. I've been playing w/ the MySpace account and I keep a journal on paper now, so I do that instead of writing here now. I'll try and be better about it though since I'm so bad about responding to emails. Ok, so what's happened since the last post? Umm, yah went to Canada. That was phenomenal. PHEnomenal. The people were so sweet, and they took such impeccable care of us. I felt very special. Auditioned for the musical 1776 over with Dundalk CT. They were supposed to get back to me within the week/by the end of the week. Today was a week. Cha. If they don't call me tomorrow, I'll call Mr Colonna or something. His last name always reminds me of an alcoholic grammar tool. I'm so weird. Umm, let's see. I went to see The Brothers Grimm w/ Ben on Saturday. Much fun. Cute movie. And I went to the fair w/ Alex while she was back in town this weekend. Yay! And House Church is meeting here now, so we had a 'beginning of the year' style party. Matt's home now, so it was him, Phil, Hennah, Davey, and me as far as middle-aged people (meaning not old and not young -- that horrible, wonderful, awkward chapter of life). So much fun. I love those kids. We were just missing Jon. :'( Hmmm, maybe I'll have to kidnap him. So yah. I've been journaling a lot. About books I'm reading, about my emotions, about God, about how confusing life/the world is. Etc, etc. It's fun stuff. Helps me keep stuff in perspective... and it's a heck of a lot cheaper than a psychologist... and my writing style improves w/ practice. That's enough of the beneficial characteristics for now. Maybe I'll enumerate some more of them for you another time. But I realize when I start using words that I like the sound of, but am only relatively sure that they are the correct word, that it is time for Tiki to turn into a pumpkin. Love you so much darling. Sleep well... Oooo, I was reading this passage this morning and it struck me. I've always loved the second phrase (He has made everything...), but today the idea of God setting eternity in the hearts of men struck me. There is something about the idea of eternity that fascinates us as human beings. Something about the indescribability. We fear and love things that we cannot fully comprehend if we are wise. Think about those things: love, darkness, eternity, life, death. So interesting. I hate and love things that I can't understand. Hate because I feel dysfunctional; love because it reminds me of how little I know.
Ecclesiastes 3:10-11
"I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."