Drat!!!

Snap, I forgot my eulogy deal. K, ummm, twelve... M... Mmmmooooo... Matt T! As in Dizzle. (You know who you are, well, actually, you might not. Nooo! Bad philosophy!) Matt rocks my world! He's absolutely one of the most intelligent people I know (next to my dad of course). Haha, the strangest mental images are coming to mind of him thwapping people with his school ring or being unable to contain his glee because of some concept that he's trying to explain to me. Haha, what a goofball. Awww, I miss him. All ya'll college kids. It stinks. I'll have to go visit him sometime. Take a roadtrip w/ his lil brother to see him now that I can DRIVE!!! Haha, much love, etc...
Psalm 119:11
"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."
(I think that's the reference. I haven't looked it up. Could someone check for me? Leave a comment. Au revoir!)

A good ramble

Hey kiddos, one of my friends in the cast reminds me of Shua and it makes me really happy but sad at the same time. (Shua, I miss you way too much.) I drove by myself this morning for the first time since getting my license. Very exciting. Except that it was at five in the morning. My show was at ten and it takes a hideously long period of time to do hair and makeup, so I had to be at a cast member's house by six this morning (call was at seven). I wanted to give myself plenty of time so I left at 5:15, which of course meant that I had to get up at four (cuz I didn't want to be racing around the house). The drive was generally pretty uneventful. Halfway there I realized that I could sing as loud as I wanted to cuz no one could hear me. That was a very happy realization. And then I got to the light and my car didn't trip the signal to tell the traffic director light box thingy that someone needed to turn left, so after waiting for three cycles to get a green light in my lane, I switched lanes, went straight, turned around in a Walmart parking lot and turned right into the road. Stupid technology. Well, not really. It was just frustrating. But yah, uneventful. My show ended on schedule today and I'm now waiting for my Philosophy class to start. It's not til 2:10 and it's 1:30 now. Blah. I'm still in black and white makeup from the show. 'Cept for my face of course. I'm so slappy. Haha, funny story, so I'm eating lunch w/ some of the cast and I said something about... hmmm... it's actually not that funny. You'd have to have been there. I just read over the last couple of sentences and realized I wrote slappy instead of slap happy. I need sleep. I was out by like 9:30 last night, but that doesn't change the fact that I've been up for nine hours and it's ONLY ONE THIRTY. Tee hee, boo haha. Oh my. Maybe I'll stop now. I haven't posted a good ramble for a while though, so I'm entitled to it. I have my rights, galldurnit. Wow, that looks really strange when it's spelled phonetically. Yay! Jon comes home tonight! ::head bob:: A gazillion people are coming to the show in the next couple of days. I'm very happy. And the Kennedy People are coming on Saturday night. ::chews nails:: No, it really won't affect the performance at all. I hope. I don't think it'll affect mine, I can't vouch for everyone though. ::shrugs:: What happens is what happens. My eyes hurt. Hoo boy, I'm running on pure adrenaline and it keeps fizzling. I'll be like "Waaaa!!!!" and then "urrr". Waaaaurrr. I'm at an urrr point right now. Ugh, I think my voice cracked in my last solo. Cha, oh well. That's what I get for trying to do a show at such a horrific hour (because ten is so early, cha). Mk, I don't have any more energy. I'll see ya'll sometime. Much love!
1 Thessalonians 5:17
"Pray contiuously."

Woot!

Who has their license?
Tiki does!!!

Opening weekend of ZP was very good. Thanks to everyone who came to see it! Hope some of ya'll can come next weekend.

Man, my cat walks like a man. I thought there was a person coming down the stairs, incredible!

Live eulogy... fourteen... C... Carolina!
Sweet Caroline! [bum bum bum] She's got more spark than one of Micah's bombs. There are gerbils inhabiting her arms. Her sweet chatter has brightened my day on so many occasions both this summer and last. When she loves someone, it's wholeheartedly and they know it. She's a joy and a beauty. I love her dearly!

Psalm 68:4
"Sing to God, sing praise to His name, extol Him who rides on the clouds - His name is the Lord - and rejoice before Him."

Zombie Prom Opening Night!!!

Hey Kiddies! Zombie Prom opens tonight! Go here for information --> Box Office Info You can either call the Box Office for directions or try your luck by looking at these --> Directions We're in the theatre building (also sometimes known as the Community Center). I hope you can come. My live eulogy will have to be rather short today. Ok, picking letter eleven. Mmm, Z, wouldn't you know it. Do I know...? Oh, of course, Zach! Zach and his gorgeous hair (::grins::) rock. I love hanging out at his concerts and his band is awesome. --> Zach's band He always makes me feel like a lady and it was so wonderful to see him stand up to the job of counseling this summer. It must have been so hard and he did a fantastic job. Alright kids, gotta run. Keep God at the center of your lives.
Psalm 32:7
"You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble
and surround me with songs of deliverance."

Live eulogy

Hey kids, just got home from House Church. The teacher at today's Church service said something interesting that I want to try. He said we should practice eulogizing while people are living. That basically means the we should say nice things about people to the people that they are about before they die instead of waiting to say it when they can't hear. So I'm gonna exercise this idea with each blog and write something that I love about someone that I love. I'll pick a different person each time (or maybe I'll repeat a couple times). I told my mom a couple years ago that I want to be invited to my funeral cuz I wanna hear what people say about me. She just shook her head. I also want to have butterflies released and not let people wear all black. It's not like I'm gonna be sad about being dead. Hello?! I'll be in heaven. Self pity is not a good thing in large doses and in this case, that's what mourning would be. Hopefully ya'll would miss me a little, but also I'll hopefully see you again. I hope you'll take a second to think about that: if I'll see you in heaven. If you don't know, I'd like to talk to you about that. Ok, so now I'm gonna choose someone. Hmmm, how am I gonna do this? Ok, for the sake of randomousity, I'm picking a number: 15. I'm gonna go see what letter fifteen is in this blog and pick someone who's name starts with that letter. Random enough for you? Let's count. H. (Rebel without an H! Come see Zombie Prom, we open on Friday.) Ok, who do I know whose name starts with an H. Mmmm. Ha, He, Hi, Ho, Hu... Hannah! Hannah from Shock Wave to be specific. Yay, I just spent the afternoon with her. Hannah, man I could go on for hours! Just to start with the surface, she's absolutely gorgeous. She dresses in clothes tight enough to know that she's a girl and loose enough to show that she's a lady. She's absolutely one of the sweetest people I know. She's always concerned with how you're doing. Always ready with a hug and a smile. She's so supportive and so excited about life. I loved being on the worship team with her. She has a vitality and energy that is so unique and inspiring. Ok, I'm going to make myself stop now. If you don't know Hannah, you should go out of your way to do so. Oh, Shades introduced me to "Waiting for Guffman" last night. He's trying so hard to culture me. It's quite funny. Both the culturing idea and the movie that is. I did finally finish the paper for Philosophy. It's not half bad if I do say so myself. Hopefully my teacher will agree. Love ya'll so much!
James 3:10
"Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be."

Recuperating

Hey kids, sorry about the last post. I'm much better today. I'm always kinda emotionally fragile on Friday nights. Well, I have been lately anyway. I'm feeling pretty good right now. I've listened to the songs about a billion times each that were giving me trouble in rehearsal yesterday, I went to ballet this morning and wasn't terribly discouraged by my lack of "in-shape"ness, and I'm about halfway through that paper that I was obsessing about last night. All this and it's only four in the afternoon. I need to keep working on it though. I just didn't want ya'll to think I was gonna go commit suicide or something. Haha. I talked to Jon for a bit after I wrote that post. He is one of the best people I know. He let me rant and let off some steam, so I feel pretty good now. I just had to get through last night. It's all good. ::grins:: Oh, by the way, I never gave ya'll the links to my other blogs. www.srtrip.blogspot.com has pictures from my trip to Ireland with Dad and Nicole, and www.rvr2004.blogspot.com has a few pics from this summer. The RVR one is pretty badly organized and doesn't have all the pics I want to put on it yet, but I spent my time on the one for Ireland instead. Maybe I'll have time to fix it up one of these days. Don't think that far ahead. My head will start to hurt. ::grins:: I'm not ignoring what needs to be done, I'm just focusing on what I'm doing. My method keeps me from getting an ulcer. Love ya sweetheart and please keep praying for me.
2 Samuel 22:33
"It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect."

I'm tired

Hey my love, I need prayer big time. Life is insane. I need to sleep. I have to wake up at 6:30 tomorrow (I know, not that early, but it feels like it is). After ballet I'll spend the rest of my day writing an analysis of a really bad translation of Descartes "Discourse on the Method" or something. I read it for the first time tonight. It's due on Tuesday. I'm in tech week for the show. I got a lot of nice compliments today, but I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack. Not literally, I'm not prone to them or anything, but I do feel like I'm gonna spaz out. I've had so many offers of fun stuff to do tomorrow night. I really need something to take my mind off of life, but I HAVE NO TIME. Abba, I really need You right now. Ya, I really need to go now. Please send me a nice email or something. Carolina, I hope Homecoming is awesome! Happy Birthday to Jeanette, that's not til Sunday, though. Ohh, can't remember if I told ya'll that I have to kiss the guy in my show. We've had to in rehearsal a couple times now. It doesn't count as my first kiss though. Kissing is really pretty nasty. I hope it's better if you actually have feelings for the person. Yick, I love having my little dreams get the legs cut out from under them. That's not fair. Really, what more could a girl want? I get to kiss a fairly attractive guy after singing a romantic duet and wearing a really pretty prom dress (well, pretty for the 50's). It's still disappointing. Will someone just hold me? I'd like to cry now. Why am I defective? I think there's something wrong with me. Not always, maybe just tonight. I'm not bipolar, I promise. I even went to bed early last night. I'm just tired of always being on parade. I'm just tired. There you go, Tamra's super objective: I want to rest. Not sleep, rest. Oh, delivered my monologue yesterday, by the way. It went really well. I got a lot of good feedback on it. Oh, but I was talking to one of the chicks at school about politics. She asked who I'd vote for if I could (cuz I'd just ranted about not being able to... not eighteen til April... grr). I said Bush and she said that it was a good thing I couldn't vote then. That really frustrates me, or at least it does in this state of mind. She's glad I can't vote because I disagree with her? Maybe she really thinks that my views are morally wrong or something and is glad because of that. Come on, girl, give her the benefit of the doubt. I need a therapist. Or a masseusse. I don't know how that's spelled. Close enough. You look it up, it'll be good for you. I'm finished with the SAT's, I don't need to know how to spell anymore. ::tries to wink cheekily:: "Just hold me, whisper gently that there's nothing to fear, you'll always be here." My thoughts via Allison Kraus's voice. Sometimes I really wish I had a boyfriend, but it's prolly good I don't. I can't get involved right now. I need to concentrate on college. But it would be so nice. I don't have time for a boy. I promise I was only gonna write four lines. Funny how rambling comes naturally. I need my therapist, unfortunately Shades isn't online right now. (Just messing kiddo, you count as way more than a therapist.) Well people, if you see me, don't ask how I am, just give me a hug. Love ya'll more than you know. Thanks to whoever wrote the third comment on the last post. The postscript meant a lot to me. I love my Savior, just look at this. This is my Biblical objective...
Matthew 11:28
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

For Shua

Hey my darling, how are you tonight? Do you know how much God loves you? Have you felt His power? I pray that He'll continue to draw us irresistably to Himself. I'm so glad that I'm not in charge of my life. Man, if I didn't know that God had a reason for everything that happens and that He's in charge, I think I'd have a nervous breakdown. One of the girls in the cast said something to the effect of, "You're so strong, I bet you never break down." Man, I'm not strong at all, but I know that I don't have to be. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. What I love is that SHE SAW THAT! Somehow God works through the Tamra that cries over the little heart breaks in her life and shows His amazing, awesome strength through this broken vessal. That makes me so peaceful. Well, when I stop to think about it, it does. I worry way too much when I'm actually going through my day, but if I stop to analyze, things fall into where they should be. How come I can type so much here, but be completely tongue-tied in other situations? My brain and fingers work way faster than my mouth.
THE INSERTION OF PARAGRAPHS IN THIS POST ARE INSTITUTED SPECIFICALLY AND LOVINGLY FOR MY SHUA!
I'm gonna start an institute called "The Speaking Chorus: A Center for People Who Don't Sing Good". Haha, props to Vikki and Zoolander. Man, that's a mad crazy combination right there. ::raises eyebrow:: Oh, by the way, I think I misquoted Shades in the last post. It's approximately 'boys are stupid, girls are crazy'. I maybe wrong, so this time, I'm retracting the absolute statement. Haha, he introduced me to Ferris Bueller's Day Off (s/p?) last night. Very interesting. ::grins:: Quite a funny movie. Especially at the end of a long day. Gotta love that very special mindset when everything's funny.
Shua, I hope you appreciate this post because having to insert paragraphs is really throwing off my usual ramblings. You had better by golly read this or I will hunt you down and... ::thinks of a proper threat:: umm... crush your fingers with a piano lid. Nyah, that was anticlimactic. ;-) Love ya, kiddo! Miss ya lots. Do you think Becca would marry David so that I could be your sister for real? Ten plus years isn't that much of a difference if you really think about it in the scope of eternity... Maybe that wouldn't work. Her boyfriend might get mad if she ran off with my little brother. Oh well.
Ok, now that I'm back on track... or back off track... Mom's playing the accompaniament right now for my song in the show. I sing a lot, but this is my big, cheezy ballad. It's actually really pretty. I've only gotten to sing it in rehearsal once all the way through. ::makes a face:: I should prolly go practice w/ mom. Nyah, Alex (the guy playing Jonny in the show) is coming over tomorrow to rehearse our harmonies, so after he goes home maybe I'll be able to coerce Mom into playing for me. I should be warmed up at that point.
Let's see, back to life updates... Ummm... All the days are running into each other. I taught Davey how to swing dance a little. That was fun, he'll be able to lead by the time I finish with him by golly. No brother of mine will be your average male klutz on the dance floor. ::winks:: I'd still love him anyway, but it's pointless in thinking about that because it simply won't happen.
"Live the moment while you can and thank the Lord you had your dream." A line out of one of the Zombie Prom songs. Succeeded by the line, "Moments and their memories are all that life leads to, live them, laugh them off, and start your life anew." So don't get any hopes up that this will be a Spiritually uplifting show, but hey, it'll put you in a good mood. ;-) Maybe that's not quite as important, but come support the acting world anyway! I wonder how many times I've put plugs in for this show. Even just on this site. Craziness.
PARAGRAPHS ARE REALLY HARD FOR ME
Hmm, let's see. What else, what else? I'd like to do West Side Story someday. It's music is absolutely amazing! Maybe I could be the "A Girl" character. I don't think I'm enough of a first soprano for Maria and I'm not old enough to do Anita. Maybe I could someday. Somewhere. ::grins:: Ahh, I weep for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about. Poor kiddos.
Man, one of our cats is so huge! So loud too. And he snores. Poor Scooter. We love him anyway. One of my friends has sheep and goats, etc. The name of one of the sheep is Lobo. That makes me really happy. Unfortunately, no one else finds it as funny as I do. Man, I'm weird.
Alright Shua, there are your paragraphs. Goodness. I hope you're happy. ;-) Just kidding, love ya.
For the rest of you, don't expect to ever see me use paragraphs again. They are now to be considered of the devil (one reason that we have to use them in school). Wow, I'm strange. Anywho, I love ya lots and pray that God keeps you safe and blesses you. Look both ways before entering an intersection...
Romans 8:38-39
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

She's Only "Mostly Dead"

Hey Kids, sorry I haven't written for much for a while. I really have no life right now. I love it, but something's gotta give. I'm starting to think that sleep is what's giving. ::grins:: Anywho... Let's see, rehearsals have been going well (Oh my goodness, Josh Groban has an amazing voice, sorry listening to "Remember Me" right now and I'm pretty much in love with his voice). What has happened this week? Umm... Ok, cool thing, ya'll might not understand, but that's ok. On Thursday we did an exercise in Acting where we each thought of a song that we knew backwards and forwards. My teacher then explained that we would go up by ourselves onstage, close our eyes, and sing it over and over and over again until he told us to stop. He said to just let your mind go where it wanted to and to explore the thoughts that came up. He asked if anyone was excited about the exercise, and I raised my hand. I thought it sounded pretty cool, and he'd told us a few times that he was purposefully being vague so that we could explore the exercise for ourselves. (Now I'm listening to Linda Eder and Robert Cuccioli singing "It's a Dangerous Game" from Jekyll and Hyde, her voice is so gorgeous.) Sorry, music break there. Anywho, he had me go up first. My song was "You Are My Sunshine". ::grins:: Simple little ditty that I've known since I was knee-high to a grasshopper (the first song I learned harmony to, incidentally). ::smiles:: I got up, sat in the chair on the stage all alone, closed my eyes and started singing. I sat on my hands cuz they were shaking, it was like an audition, but after the first dozen times of singing it, I started getting more comfortable. Then I started wondering when he was going to stop me. Then I started just thinking. Thinking about people: my parents, cast members, friends, past relationships, etc, etc. (Song Break:: "Gold" also Linda Eder, absolutely amazing, I think I've ranted about it before, gotta find the sheet music to this song, it would be an amazing audition piece.) I kept wondering what he was waiting for, why he wasn't cutting me off. I wondered if I was supposed to start crying or something. Sometimes I felt like I was going to, but it was cuz of past occurences, and when they came to mind, I realized that I'd already dealt with them and I don't carry them with me anymore. I kept going deeper and deeper and finally I couldn't sing anymore. There was this utter peace. I knew God was in charge and all I could do was rest in His presence. That started to pass, and I took that and put it into my singing. Suddenly, I was the only one there and I could find the center that actors have to find so that they can be in the moment and in character and not at all distracted by the audience. Then he stopped me. Darling, I sang "You Are My Sunshine" for thirty minutes. Half an hour. That's how long it took me to get there. After he stopped me, we all talked about what had gone on. I explained a little bit of what had gone on. He said that he normally stops people after twenty minutes, but he'd let me go on because he kept hearing different things happening. Normally people do break down and cry, he said. Maybe this sounds really new-agie to ya'll, but I promise it isn't. The purpose was to find a way to be vulnerable and to experience the raw emotion, so that we can implement it in our acting. After rehearsal that day, I was talking to my teacher (who is also my director and a Christian, I've told you that, right?) and he said that he'd never seen someone come to that point of peace before, and he recognized that it was because of being a Christian. He said that a while ago, he had a student that I remind him of (our acting styles are similar, etc) but she wasn't a Christian. She did this exercise and just broke down completely. He thought it was so interesting to see the difference. Anywho, that was interesting. Talked to Seth the other day. It was good to hear what he's been up to. It's just so weird to have been with these people every day all summer and then basically have them drop out of my life. I don't like it. Every person in the world needs to have email and instant messenger. Man, I want heaven so bad. Doesn't your soul, your very self, desire "forever"? Perfection? The elimination of all temptation? Hey, that sounded kinda cool. Maybe I should become a rapper. Yah, lemme think about that for a minute, no. Right, forward march... Last night I went to All Time Low's EP release. I'm trying to remember who else played... I got there as Cartel was finishing, then All Rights Reserved played, then ATL, then Fire in the Hole. I didn't get to stay for much of Fire in the Hole, but it was good to see Zach again. Phil and Hannah were there, plus Will, Nikki, and a bunch of other kids from Church. The bands were a lot better this time. I only had two dollars, so I couldn't buy ATL's cd, but maybe another time. Some of the ranch kids went putt-putting last night, I'll have to find out how that went. This morning I went back to ballet for the first time in about four months. I went immediately to a dance rehearsal for ZP after that. I feel like my body died. (As I am still my same self, that must mean that the SELF is the mind, not the body... sorry, I'm writing an argument paper for Philosophy while I'm doing this.) I'm gonna be so sore tomorrow. Man. I don't wanna think about it. It felt good to be back, but I'm dead. Mom worked some of the knots out of my back and neck for me and then I fell asleep for a couple of hours. Now I'm supposed to be doing my paper. It's half finished and not due til Tuesday, but I should keep working on it cuz I've gotta work on a monologue for Acting too. My life consists of school, rehearsal, and Church right now. My life hasn't been this concentrated since I don't know when. It's crazy. ::shrugs:: I really need to start writing my entrance essay for college applications. ::crosses eyes and frowns:: Enough of that, I'll start worrying. Anywho, I'm gonna run. Oh, one more cool thing. The guy playing opposite of me in ZP told me today that he's decided he's gonna try not to cuss around me. This is a big deal, kids! This is the same guy who said he'd prolly corrupt me by the end of the show and now he's making a conscious effort to be clean in front of me. I don't think I've even ever asked him not to cuss around me. He did this on his own. God's working. It's so hard to keep these words out of my thoughts when I hear them tossed around every day. Loyola was nothing compared to this. I can't help loving these people, though. I thank God for that. He's so faithful in giving me a love for them. I could never do it on my own. It's hard to find a happy medium though. One of the guys there asked me out. I've tried my best to not give him any ideas, but I don't think he's getting it. He's a great guy, but I can't go out with someone who doesn't have the same beliefs as I do, and I barely know him anyway. Haha, as Shades says, "Boys are stupid, girls are confusing." It's really the basis of all the world's problems. Well, not really, but you get the picture. Well, considering I was going to stop and then proceeded to write another paragraph, I'm going to stop for real now. Keep me in your prayers, kids. They're the one thing I'm allowed to covet and covet them I do. I need God's protection. As always, you've got all my love.
Proverbs 29:25
"Fear of man will prove to be a snare,
but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe."